Existential Escalator Embolisms

the board is set

the pieces are moving




E3 IS UPON US AGAIN

June 9th to June 11th will see the big players showing off their new gear, just in time for a Holiday 2015 launch

we got



leading the charge on June 9th at 9:30 AM, hurting from a 2013 skullfucking and clawing their way back to the top

what 2015 games will they announce? Halo 5? Titanfall 2?! Gears of War 1 Billion? will they burn a Kinect live on stage and have an orgy in the ashes? PROBABLY!

we got



at 11:30 AM on June 9th, with...sports? Star Wars? Battlefield? maybe...uh...Mirror's Edge, or something?

then we got



who'll reach peak French with AC Unity, be maybe accidentally racist with Far Cry 4 and ideally will feature Aisha Tyler being awkward, that's at 2:30 PM on the 9th

rounding out the day we've got the big motherfuckers on campus



they're out to an early lead, they're gonna drop hells of indies on you, they're gonna show some Uncharted, they'll have some new IPs, it'll be great. the only thing missing is Jack Tretton


finally on the 10th at 9 AM we got these poor schmoes



they'll announce some Smash Bros characters, show some NFC stuff, and then Iwata will cry, live, for 90 straight minutes




ARE

YOU

READY

FOR

SOME

TARGETED

ADVERTISING

tell me what you want, tell me what'll happen, tell me what stupidly early time you'll be getting up to watch the conferences live (2:00 AM for me!)

let's do some video games